It seems to me that my close friends who did not attend seminary after high school and went straight to college are missing a sense of spirituality. All they ever seem to talk about is anything that pertains to college like which classes they're taking and with which teacher. It's like they're so wrapped up in materialism that they don't have that desire or yearning for growth like those of us who went to Israel for seminary. What I want to know is a) how to make them realize that they may be missing the meaning of what life is really all about (following in the ways of G-d ) and b) how I can avoid falling into that same pitfall after being in college for some time.

[Name withheld upon request]
Bnot Torah Institute

It is certainly quite true how the world looks so different to us once we have been fortunate enough to have spent a year in Eretz Yisroel! Be very thankful to have had that Zechus, it is special indeed. As with all things - it can be very frustrating as well - in the realm of how you view others now, or as we had in a letter a few weeks ago - how others view you.

The answer to both of your questions is really one and the same. You have to focus on YOU! You must continue to build yourself up and strengthen yourself. You cannot MAKE another person realize anything. But you can let them observe a shining example of what a Bas Torah really is, let them see a true role model. People CAN be impacted by YOUR patterns of behavior. How you act, what you talk about, what you feel is worthwhile and important here, how you dress, etc. By being the best YOU that YOU can be, you automatically influence others. 'Teaching' by example is a wonderfully powerful tool.

Of course there is continued work for you in this as well. [All of us included!] We are all familiar with the famous concept "If a person thinks that he is standing still, he is wrong, for he is really moving backward." A person must constantly be growing and enhancing himself. [Albeit in 'baby steps' at his own pace.] So for this, you already know all of the right things to do, your seminary training has prepared you.

Surround yourself with the right friends, girls that are interested in growing like yourself, set up times to learn with them, go to shiurim, and make sure to keep much of your conversations directed in the right areas. And of course: DAVEN! Keep that conversation and that connection to Hashem running smoothly!

Another thing that you can do is to make a list of all of the things that you want to hold onto from what you gained in Eretz Yisroel [if you haven't done this already]. Whether it be: mitzvos that you have started keeping, hashkofos and mindsets, tzniyus standards, modes of conduct and speech, etc. Look at this list at least once a week and check yourself. Ask yourself - do I still measure up in this and that? Have I slipped in anything? Am I still staying strong in these areas? Be honest with yourself and as objective as possible - if things need 'repairs' - get to it! A person has to constantly re-assess, re-evaluate and think. Having something concrete like this can help alot.

May you continue to see clearly what 'life is really all about' [your words!]

Sincerely,
Chana

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